March 31, 2011 Is There a Blue Moon?

Keep in mind that the angle of camera is as follows: I was holding it at arm's length, pointed towards my feet. This kind of photo makes it look like I'm shaped like an Oompaloompa...little tiny feet and a gigantic ass. While that may or may not be the case, rest assured that if it were the case I would totally NOT put a picture of it on my blog. Seriously. What are you thinking?

Anyway. Today I wore a dress to work. It's true. A dress, a slip and panty hose. No shit. Crazy, right? I love these red shoes. I clicked my heels together all day and never did end up back in Dodge City, where, I should say in complete honesty, I would have gone directly to El Charro's.

I think wearing a dress caused some kind of crack in the cosmic force because I ran into walls and dropped things all morning. And I got a run in my hose. Crap.

When I got home, it took 2.5 seconds to get out of that damn skirt and put on yoga pants. Yoga pants that have never, ever seen one moment of yoga. I'm just sayin'.

Tomorrow? It's back to jeans. I don't want to get too far from my reality. Such as it is.

March 30, 3011 Damn Squirrel

This is one of those entries where you have to participate in order to get the full effect of the photo.

On this one, you need to spin around and around and around then sway back and forth and back and forth. Then sort of leap to one side then the other. That's what this birdhouse was doing because a damn squirrel was on the top of it, eating the bird seed.

It didn't matter that the wind was blowing and the house was swinging and with the weight of the squirrel on top of it, the feeder was nearly perpendicular to the ground.

Mom and I clapped and whistled and carried on and that damn squirrel didn't budge.

However, when I got my camera and went to the backdoor, that damn squirrel jumped off the feeder and ran off.

Damn. Squirrel.

March 29, 2011 My Mom, the House Painter

My mom. She rocks. Ever since I can remember, she has put wren houses out in the spring. When the wren houses, which were built by her dad, get a bit worn looking, she paints them. As you can see, she gives them personality...shrubs along the back, flowers in the front. I think the wrens are tickled to have such nice digs!

What's even funner about my mom is that she writes on the calendar when she hears the first wren cheep then she watches for the first wren to come along to check out the house.

One afternoon in 2002 or 2003 (I had just started at KSU), I was sitting on Mom's front porch and the little baby wrens started to fly out. It was so much fun to watch those babies poke their heads out of the hole and work up the courage to fly out. The momma wren would sit in a nearby bush and cheep away, encouraging her children to fly out of the house. I bet Mom and I watched for over an hour!

Oh yes, it was an exciting day in Wamego!!

March 28, 2011 The Funniest Guy I Know

Oh, I know he doesn't look like much, but he's really a funny guy. And I know funny when I see it. I can say that this guy is not only funny strange, but he's funny haha as well.

He makes me laugh every single time I see him.  And it's not just his looks.

He has the world's most patient wife. Tina still laughs at his jokes even though she's heard them 10,000 times.

The stories he tells are true which makes them that much funnier. Like the time he bet his buddy that a horse would fit in his living room. They led the horse into the living room at which point Tina, who was very pregnant at the time, stopped the "fun" from going any further.

Then there's the time he was drunk in Alaska and tried to steal a helicopter. I'm sure the statute of limitations has run on that.

His house had bats, so he gathered the neighborhood kids together, gave them all tennis rackets, and as the bats came out at nightfall, the kids would clobber the bats with the rackets. Meanwhile, my friend sat in a chair and drank. Good times.

I'm not doing him justice here, I'm really not. He is a hoot. You'll just have to trust me on this.

One more thing. He's a lawyer, too. And he's still managed to keep his sense of humor. Just like I have.

March 27, 2011 Best. Popcorn. Ever.

This popcorn will change your life. Seriously.

Forget that microwave crap. Who pops popcorn in the microwave anyway? This is the real thing.

Ingredients: bacon grease, white popcorn, salt.

Heat the grease in a deep pan, pour the popcorn in, pop it, dump it in a bowl, salt it a little, eat it, be in Popcorn Heaven.

The end.

March 26, 2011 One More Person I Love

You know the kind of friend you don't see for months, and then when you do see them you pick right up where you left off? Yep. That's Rob and me.

Today we had lunch in Topeka and spent over 2 hours (yes, we were charged booth rental, as a matter of fact.) catching up. We've been soul mate kind of friends for about 13 years. He knows me better than anyone.

If I am ever abducted by aliens and they send back a fake "Sarah" and no one can tell the difference, Rob will be able to. (It will have to do either with how I swear or how I spill when I eat. I'm just sayin').

We have talked each other down from various cliffs during our 13 years together. He was there when I started dating Curtis, when my step-mother died, when my dad died, when life generally sucked and when life was awesome. He's a steadfast friend. He's not afraid to call bullshit - fortunately, he doesn't have to do that with me since I'm a tell the truth and stick to the facts kinda girl. (Oh yes I am. What do you mean my exaggeration skills should be listed on my resume?)

Rob is a man of faith. While I've lost mine and am no longer a believer, he lives what he believes everyday. He loves and forgives and does all those things that Jesus would be demanding from people if he were to show up tomorrow.

I'm 20 years older than Rob - clearly old enough to be his mother. Sometimes we will go places and I'll say to the waiter or store clerk or whomever, "This is my son and we are traveling together. I don't think he's having much fun because he keeps denying I'm even his mother." Then, of course, Rob will say "But she's NOT my mother." I put on a sad face and say "See, isn't it sad? I'm trying to make this a good trip but he won't try to get along." I just go on and on and finally, Rob gives up! It's great!

Here's to friends who know all about you and love you anyway!

March 25, 2011 My Penis Plants

Now, before you read any further, you need to know this: I HAD YELLOW PENIS PLANTS GROWING IN MY GARDEN. Curtis saw them, too. We both stopped what we were doing and looked at them. One of us jealously and one of us longingly.

They were about 8 inches tall, yellow and very penis like. Very penis like.

However, when I went down this afternoon to take the promised picture, the wonderful yellow penis plants were gone. There was no evidence that they ever existed.

The only proof I have is the smile on the face of the widow woman next door.

March 24, 2011 X Marks the Spot

When I was driving home from work, I saw this in the sky and thought it was cool. Two jet streams had intersected, forming a giant "X" in the sky. Sort of like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I thought. Wonder what was under the giant "X"?

Even though the traffic wouldn't have been bad on Highway 24, I still took my usual route home, along the Zeandale Road. No traffic, nothing really to look at except that big "X" and I started to wonder about those 2 planes.

Here's what I decided....one was west-bound, headed from Kansas City to LA then on to Hawaii. There was a couple on that plane who were travelling to the Pacific islands to start over. They had sold their house in frigid Iowa, put their stuff into storage, put their kids up for adoption (Not really. They didn't have any kids.), and were moving to a place that is warm and welcoming. You don't get flowers when you arrive in Iowa, I'm just sayin'. They are hopeful and excited about this adventure. The woman looked down as they flew over Wamego and commented to her husband that the little town down there sure looked friendly. He said it looked freakin' cold and told her to stay focused on the Honolulu want ads.

The other plane was east-bound, headed from Denver to New York then on to London. On that plane, I imagined, was a woman on her way to spend a year in England. It was her heart's desire to trace her family's history. She herself was a lover of all things British, including, but not limited to pints, Pimms, tea, and bangers and mash. She left her family in the US in search of her family in the UK. As she looked out her window and saw Wamego, she wondered about that big, gray house with the Union Jack flying. She thought she would be at home in such a nice little town.

I would have been happy being on either plane.

Sometimes you need a break even from the nicest, friendliest little towns.

Stay tuned. Tomorrow is penis plant day. Tell your friends.

March 23, 2011 Can't Help But Smile

Nothing makes me smile like a bunch of daffodils. They make me feel hopeful. And, after reading the newspaper, I need a big helping of hopeful.

Wamego has a guy who does its flowers and landscaping. He is truly talented. It won't be long before the daffodils will be gone and there will be tulips everywhere.

I love living in a small town for many reasons. This bunch of daffodils is just one of them.

Spring Break is half way over. Tomorrow I have 7 appointments. I do not understand how that happened. Why aren't these students at home or in Mexico or in Florida or skiing or doing something that does not involve Student Legal Services?

Don't let me forget that I need to post a picture of some bulbs that came up under a bunch of leaves that look like penises. Truly. It looks like I'm growing dicks in my garden. I bet money could be made. I'll save the rest of the tasteless comments until I post the picture.

March 22, 2011 Defeated Revolutionary

Saw this card on the ground when I was walking into the office this morning. Guess the card holder realized that s/he is in Kansas for God's sake and no amount of resistance is going to change that.

It's kind of sad really to live in a place that is so backwards and wrong-minded. NO, it's not kind of sad, it is gut-wrenching, put a gun to my head sad.

Resistance or not, today was a beautiful day! The wind was blowing like crazy so I felt like I was back in Dodge City. Makes me wonder how in the hell I spent 18 years there without losing my mind. One thing about living in Dodge, there were some great liberals there.

March 21, 2011 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROGER!!!

It's my brother's 60th birthday. My brother, Roger. The one in San Antonio. The one who denies he's my brother. The one who tells everyone he's an only child. Yeah, that brother.

He turned 60 today so the POTD needed to go along with that theme. I stopped at Kansas State Bank this morning to take a picture of the temperature because it was 59 and I thought I could make a joke about Roger never seeing 59 again, etc. etc. Right when I took the picture, the craziest thing happened. The temperature went to 60! How cool is that?

Back to my brother, his one claim to fame as far as I am concerned is that he was driving my dad's jeep back in the late 60s and I was tagging along with Roger and my other brother, Don. We were at the building site of Dodge City Community College. Roger hit a bump (I say intentionally) and threw my ass out of the Jeep. Right out onto the ground. I can still hear Don and Roger laughing their asses off. Fortunately, Roger did stop and let me climb back in.

He did not kill me. But I remind him frequently that I don't think there is a statute of limitations on attempted murder.

On the way home I noticed another 60....I was going 60 miles a hour.

Happy birthday, Roger. I love you! Except for when you try to kill me.

Now, this picture is just because Ryan and Luke cracked me up. One of my kids was highlighting the TV guide and the other was studying the Periodic Table of the Elements. Both were being goofballs.

I had to have a picture.

March 20, 2011 What a Difference a Day Makes.

Let's try this cook out thing again, shall we?

CB grilled hamburgers outside and they were way good. Temperature was in the 80s, a bit of a breeze, but generally a perfect spring day.

Should have spent the day doing yard work, but I thought I should shovel out the inside of the house first.

This is the first week end in about a month that I have felt like doing anything other than staying in bed.

Yes, it's true. CB wears an apron when he cooks - inside or out. Although he has several, his favorite is one that looks like the flag of Texas. A gift from my brother, Roger and his wife. And to those of you who think I don't have a brother named Roger, stay tuned. That story will be posted sooner or later.

March 19, 2011 How Cold is It?

It's the first day of Spring Break. Time for a cook-out, right? That's what I thought, so I thawed out some fajita meat (the only reason we go to San Antonio twice a year...to bring back fajitas!) and set my taste buds for fajitas.

Who could have imagined that CB would have to wear a heavy coat while he grilled the fajitas? It was colder than it looked and, honestly, I think it looks pretty freakin' cold for March.

Not too long after this picture, the sky opened up and it rained cats and dogs. In fact, the alert system at K State called the house to tell me there was a severe thunderstorm in Manhattan.

Fortunately, I've been a Kansan all my life so I know to wait; if it's too cold it will warm up, if it's too hot, it will cool down, if it's too dry...well, you get the picture.

March 18, 2011 Why I Love Paul Mintner.

First of all, doesn't this photo have a GQ kind of look to it? I think so, too.

Paul Mintner has the greatest outlook on life. He is not stuck in the here and now, but has his eyes on what is yet to come. He has plans, goals, dreams.

When he talks about what he wants to be when he grows up, I long for the time in my life when I was making decisions about my future.

The difference is that Paul has an actual PLAN. I had something of an idea...an idea that was de-railed by a man. (That's another story for another time and another blog.)

Anyway, the world better watch out because it won't be long before Paul is out in it - taking students to developing countries, encouraging them to be innovative and teaching them that we're all in this together.

Another reason I love Paul? He says that I need to go along with him when he takes students all over the world. Could be because I am well read, reasonably intelligent and organized.

Or, it could be because I laugh at his jokes and blog about him.

March 17, 2011 Crazy Bastard

Let me tell you what pisses me off about the clown who owns this car:

First, it's a Mercedes. Clearly NOT a middle class guy. Probably making his car payments with his social security check. Oh, no socialism there.

Second, who exactly are the "socialist dictators" (plural)? Since most of the people in office around here are freakin' republicans, who the hell is he talking about recalling and voting out?

Third, he parks in handicapped spots all over town and just leaves his car. His travelling billboard.

Fourth, it's a MERCEDES! A foreign car. I don't know why I find that so weird, but you'd think this guy would be a "Be American, Buy American" kind of guy.

Fifth, I know that looks can be deceiving, but, this guy looks dumber than a box of dog hair. As the owner of a dog who produces boxes of dog hair daily, I can tell you that a box of dog hair is DUMB. It ranks right up there with dumber than shit.

Here's what I really wanted....when I jumped out of my car to walk up to his car to take this picture, I was so hoping that he would turn around and make a scene. Oh, I wanted a scene. A First Amendment kind of scene. He didn't turn around and no scene was had.

There's always tomorrow. This crazy bastard isn't going anywhere and neither am I!

March 16, 2011 Peaceful. Very Peaceful.

Outside the emotional toxic waste dump that is my office, is a peaceful oasis. A group of Tibetan Buddhist monks have been in the Union all week.

There is an altar of sorts to the Dali Lama which has fresh flowers and fruit. The monks also have several tables where various items are for sale - like prayer flags, bumper stickers that say "Kindness is my religion" (wow, that's a novel idea, isn't it?), prayer beads, meditation tapes and the like.

The purpose of the visit is to make a sand painting. It takes many hours and the monks work on it non-stop. The sand is distributed through copper funnels that are filled with very fine sand. The funnels are stroked with a pencil like tool that causes the sand to gradually come out of the tip. The stroking makes a wonderful, calming sound that has the same affect on me as the sound of ocean waves.


Once the painting is done, the monks will brush it into a pile and distribute most of it to those attending the closing ceremony. A portion of the sand is taken to the closest body of water (at K State that's a creek that barely flows by the International Student Center) where it is returned to nature. The theory, of course, is that it will flow back to the ocean.

Tomorrow, there is going to be a Moment of Silence for the People of Japan in the Union. The monks will offer prayers which should be pretty cool.

Oh, I just noticed, the monk on the left is flipping me off. Maybe one too many pictures today?

March 15, 2011 Misplaced Protest

I do not understand, nor will I ever understand, why women exercising their legal right to get an abortion causes such an uproar.

This protest appears every year right about now. I'm sure young school children were coerced into participating without hearing the other, rational side to the abortion issue.

Every time I see such a display I wonder who is speaking for me? Or for those of us who support a woman's right to choose what to do with her body? Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like anyone is.

Maybe we need to find a street corner and put up a white cross for every unwanted child that is born and is abandoned or unadoptable or abused. Yeah, let's do that. I don't think there is street corner field big enough anywhere for that kind of protest.

What about crosses for all the soldiers and civilians who have been killed in Bush's senseless wars in Iraq and Afghanistan? Now, that would mean something.

March 14, 2011 I'm Dreaming of a White St. Patrick's Day?

It's Kansas, after all. This was the scene on our deck this morning. Big, fat, wet snow flakes fell most of the night - perfect snowman and snowball snow.

The trees were beautiful. Every branch was weighed down with snow and it all looked very Christmasy. Except there were no presents.

The drive to work was uneventful as the roads were just wet; no accumulation of the pavement because it has been so warm. In fact, Curtis was on the golf course on Saturday! Temperatures are suppose to be springlike for the rest of the week, so this snow won't last long.

Curtis let Buddy out this morning and I was standing at the ready with camera in hand expecting him to jump around, roll and sniff and get covered with snow. Buddy, that is, not Curtis.

Buddy ran down the steps, did his thing in record time and headed back to the garage. He was not in the mood for snow games this morning.

Neither was Curtis.

Boring.

March 13, 2011 Crazy Buddy

In order for this to work, you need to look at this picture, tilt your head back and forth from left to right and front to back and jump up and down.

Buddy was chasing a fly (see that little black speck in front of his left paw? The poor fly, I think, was just waking up from his winter hibernation. Flies do to hibernate. Otherwise what would they do during the winter? Go skiing?

Anyway, the fly was a bit slow. Even though Buddy had a chance to catch it, he didn't. He did nudge it with his nose, bark and prance a lot.

After I took the picture, I checked on the fly. It was dead of an apparent heart attack.

Buddy has the same affect on the mailman.

March 12, 2011 Spring? Around the corner?

Yes, it's true. A tulip is peaking through the ground, signaling that spring is just around the corner!

I went on a walk-about around the Estate this afternoon and noticed this little, brave guy enjoying the sunshine.

I also noticed that there are leaves to rake, branches to gather, and bushes to trim. Curtis says we're going to do that tomorrow.

I say "cough, cough, hack, cough". I don't know if I'm well enough to actually do yard work. Certainly I can supervise and organize and nag.

But work? I just don't know.

March 11, 2011 Still a Mom

When the weather warms up, a young man's mind turns to.....shorts!

Twice a year Luke and I go shopping together. In the fall for jeans and in the spring for shorts.

Can I just say that shopping with a boy is a breeze? He knows what he wants. He finds what he wants. He buys what he wants.

We're in. We're out.

No angst. No "do these make my ass look big?". No "I want these in pink".

Shopping with Luke. Like going on vacation, only without the little umbrella drinks.

March 10, 2011 Bookends to My Day

At 7:56 a.m., I had already been to my office, gathered files for court, made notes on said files and left the office. At 7:56 a.m., I was sitting in the parking lot of city court, waiting for the day to begin.

At 4:15, I called it a day. There is, after all, only so much fun you can pack into one day, right? And, keep in mind that all day long I have been barely able to talk, coughing, blowing my nose, and generally feeling like shit dipped in misery.

I drive home on the Zeandale Road which is a wonderful country road that is little traveled and a nice way to unwind after a day in paradise.

Tonight I learned that Spring is on the way because I found myself behind not one, but TWO pieces of farm machinery that were bigger than Dallas and slower than George Bush's brain. So, you know, really BIG and really, really s l o w.

Cracked me up because the driver of the car between me and said crazy big farm equipment was wondering what the batshit crazy woman behind him was doing with the camera.

Gave him something to talk about at supper with the Mrs.

Peach Schnapps update: It did not work. But, I did not throw up.

March 9, 2011 The Tableau of My Life

This is what my life has boiled down to....broth, Kleenex, orange, water, Kindle. You can't see my blanket or the fact that I'm in my robe and slippers.

And then, riding in from the West, to save me from throwing myself out of my first floor window (I don't want to do any serious damage to the corpse, you know.), came Susan (of recent "Here's a boatload of chocolate" fame) bringing a bottle of Peach Schnapps.

A woman in her office says that it's just the thing for a cough. Well, that's what I need, "just the thing for a cough".


I'll let you know how it works.

But in the interest of true transparency...the last time I drank Peach Schnapps was the night of my senior prom (May, 1975). It wasn't so much the fact that I drank it, it's more the fact that I threw it up. Repeatedly.

Well, it saved me from losing my virginity.

March 8, 2011 Guaranteed Laughs

If you need a laugh, and with all these frickin' Republicans in power who doesn't need a laugh, get these DVDs. Right now.

Ricky Gervais is the funniest man alive and his Out of England stand up is brilliant.

The Ricky Gervais Show is an animated version of the podcasts that Gervias, Stephan Merchant and Karl Pilkington have done for years. They will bring you to your knees in laughter. I am not even kidding.

Get these and laugh until you wet your pants.

If you don't believe me, ask Matt King.

He'll tell you.

March 7, 2011 No taste, It's True!

For those of you who have said over the years that the only taste I have is in my mouth, I say to you "Bah! Not true!"

I don't seem to have taste even in my mouth anymore!

I've got the crud again (damn. it.) and am taking a wonderful mix of drugs for cough, for infection, for inflammation, for that hangie down thing in the back of my throat (what a nice shot of that, by the way), for my distemper, for my split ends.

Anyway, some combination of said chemicals has robbed my sense of taste. Or perhaps it's the fact that I can't smell anything. I don't know.

But, eating is no longer an adventure for my taste buds.

If you are mesmerized by the photo and really, who wouldn't be, and you happen to spot a taste bud in there somewhere, please do your best to coax it back into service.

To hell with the taste buds. I'm trying my best to peel my eyes from the double chin. Good god.

March 6, 2011 Mom's Day Out

Luke and I met Ryan at Red Lobster on Sunday for lunch. Ryan had much to tell us about life at KU. He's especially excited to be a summer new student orientation leader. He'll be a great one, that's for sure.

However, I think Ryan had a bit of a disconnect at lunch....he was shocked and surprised (and a bit nauseated) to learn that the lobster rolls he had just eaten had previously been darling lobsters in this tank.

I believe his exact word was "Seriously?"

March 5, 2011 My Momma Rocks!

The benefit of your mom being a retired florist and all around creative genius? A rose bowl when you're feeling a bit under the weather!

I'm suffering from my second bout of infections: sinus and upper respiratory (SHIT!) and spent the day in bed. Mom called and said that she was bringing a "little something" over for me. Luke met her at the door and this was the surprise:


Isn't it beautiful? Mom bought the rose at the local flower shop and then did her magic.
I know when my sense of smell comes back, it will smell as heavenly as it looks.
Perhaps I should hire her out to do weddings and funerals?

March 4, 2011 Heaven, I'm in Heaven!

OH. MY. GOD. This much popcorn in one place can only mean one thing: the car with the melted butter can't be far away!

All day, I thought about my flannel pjs, my Kindle, a case of Diet Pepsi, and curling up in the backseat of this car (but not in a "YIKES! These seats are cold on my butt" kind of way") and eating my way to Monday morning.

I took down the license plate number so just in case I ever do find the car with the barrel of melted butter, I can get the two together.

Now that would be a picture of the day, for sure!

March 3, 2011 One More Reason to Hate George Bush

Any guesses what I paid for gas this morning? If you said $3.29, you'd be wrong. So wrong. Why should I pay $3.29 in Manhattan when I can pay so much more in my own little town?

It's true, I blame this on Dubya Bush. What a piece of shit president he was and his presidency is the gift that keeps on giving.

I had a guy tell me that the reason we had, HAD to be at war in Iraq was to prevent me, specifically ME, from paying $1.50 for gas. It worked! I haven't paid a buck fifty for gas since!

March 2, 2011 I Wish I Could Paint!

Every night when I drive home from work, I see this hill at the intersection of Highway 99 and Zeandale Road. I love it.

Tonight there was no one behind me and no one on Highway 99, so I got my car in just the right position and took a picture.

I know it doesn't look like much here or in any picture for that matter. But in real life, it is beautiful. Especially in the evening light.

If I could paint, even a little bit, I think I'd camp out at the intersection and paint away. All I paint is walls - and even then not very well, so I'll be satisfied with this photo.

And seeing it in real life every, single evening.

March 1, 2011 Something New!

What's new around "Say Cheese"? I am going to try to title each day in addition to putting the date. Let's see how that goes, shall we?

Now for today's picture. I was at an intersection in downtown Manhattan today and saw this marquee at the Wareham Opera House. As you may or may not know, Kansas State has a bit of a basketball team. Last night KSU played University of Texas, also known as UT. Not TU. Never TU.

Someone should have told the person doing the marquee. It's the same letters, buddy, you just got them in the wrong frickin' order.


I wondered for a moment if K State had played Tabor University, or Temple, or Tulsa, or Towson or Tauro. Never would it have occurred to me to think of Texas. UT. University of Texas. That's what it has always been. Never TU. WTF?

Part 2 of the marquee story. I pulled in to angle park in front of the opera house to jump out to take 2 pictures - about 10 seconds. I was half in a handicapped spot and half in a yellow zone. As I was taking the pictures, a car full of old people pulled into the handicapped spot. They were so close to my car that there is no way the driver could have opened his door if he wanted to. Fortunately, I was leaving so he could get out. I'm sure he was cussing me and wondering why some fat woman with a camera needed to park like a crazy, blind person in a handicapped spot.

At least it gave them something to talk about until bedtime.